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When emotional intelligence (EI) is discussed in the context of supporting military-affiliated students, the focus typically centers on developing it in student veterans. This emphasis is understandable, given the importance of EI to student veteran success. But what about the people who support them?
During a recent dinner, a colleague discussed the challenges of helping her team build greater emotional intelligence when working with military-affiliated students. Her team’s role, she explained, sits at the beginning of the semester, where interactions may feel transactional but still set the tone for a student’s educational experience. Registration questions, benefit-related confusion, documentation issues, and fast-moving handoffs all affect whether students feel understood or dismissed. “I just wish there was a checklist!” she said.
The request made sense. Colleges and universities rarely frame their veteran-support efforts in terms of EI, but it often shows up in daily expectations placed on faculty and staff. Efforts such as practicing military cultural awareness, building trust, responding thoughtfully, and helping student veterans find the right support all depend, in part, on emotional intelligence. In fast-paced environments, a checklist helps you get it right.
Unfortunately, emotional intelligence is not a singular process. It is a mindset for navigating real interactions. Several books are available that describe the EI framework in detail (I prefer Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Bradberry and Greaves), but it is generally understood as the ability to recognize, interpret, and regulate emotions in oneself and in interactions with others. In practice, it means paying attention to what is happening beneath the surface and responding intentionally.
The EI Mental Check-In
For those working with military-affiliated students, emotional intelligence is about becoming a more effective educator, advisor, administrator, or staff member, in moments that require intuition, awareness, and relational skills. While it cannot be reduced to a checklist, it can help to have a simple, repeatable mental check-in for everyday interactions: You. Who. Know. Do.
You. Know thyself. Before engaging with a student, pause to ask and honestly answer: What emotions are driving me right now? You may realize that your initial response is more nuanced than you think. For example, “I feel annoyed” becomes “I feel frustrated with the time constraints, and I’m embarrassed that I don’t understand the question being asked.” Even a few seconds of self-awareness can change the tone of an interaction.
Who. Consider who is in front of you. Military-affiliated students are not a monolith, but many have operated in environments shaped by structure, urgency, and clear expectations. Ask questions and then listen with the intent to understand the individual. Avoid generalizations and remain curious.
Know. Interpret the moment, as well as the person. If you or the military-affiliated student is experiencing strong emotions, consider what may be causing them. Are you impacted by external factors, such as a loud auditorium or hunger? Or mental factors, such as negative self-talk or unconscious biases? EI requires more than identifying emotions; it also requires knowing what can produce them.
Do. Decide the most helpful response, then do it. Sometimes that means slowing down and listening longer. Sometimes it means asking more questions, explaining a process in a different way, or admitting you don’t know the answer. Emotional intelligence is not about having the right answer every time, but about understanding the right approach for this moment.
Moving from Awareness to Intentional Practice for Military-Affiliated Student Support
Emotional intelligence becomes meaningful when higher education professionals are more than just aware; they apply it consistently. For those working with military-affiliated students, this often does not require new initiatives but rather a more intentional approach to opportunities that already exist. The following practices offer a practical way to translate awareness into action:
Embrace disciplined curiosity. While you may not need all the details, sometimes a little digging is warranted. Doing your research, asking better questions, and holding assumptions lightly keeps interactions accurate and productive. Programs like the PsychArmor Training for Veteran and Military-Affiliated Support at Michigan State University can strengthen understanding of military culture and increase emotional insights.
Connect, don’t solve. Supporting military-affiliated students does not mean resolving every issue directly. Often, the most effective response is connecting a student to the appropriate resources, whether that is an office down the hall or reaching out to trained professionals. Emotional intelligence includes understanding the limits of one’s role and acting within them. Locating and using resource lists, such as the Referral Points of Contact provided by Baylor University’s Veteran Educational and Transition Services, can help.
Make empathy a habit. Empathy is not about lowering standards or over-identifying with a veteran-student’s experience. It is a deliberate effort to understand perspective before responding. It can be developed through learning opportunities, such as the Empathy and Active Listening class in McLennan Community College’s Green Zone Professional Development certification program, and through the simple practice of imagining yourself in someone else’s situation to improve the quality of an interaction.
Higher education institutions already have many of the structures needed to support military-affiliated students. What determines their effectiveness is how faculty, advisors, and staff engage with them daily. Emotional intelligence, when practiced with intention, helps ensure that interactions are not only efficient but also responsive and respectful of the student’s experience. No checklist required.
