by Daniel B. Griffith
Are men committed to gender equity in the workplace? Do they see their role in supporting gender equity, or do they view it as a “women’s issue”? Are they even willing to talk about it?
These are some of the questions and challenges that author Kori Reed tackles in “Men-in-the-Middle: Conversations to Gain Momentum with Gender Equity’s Silent Majority.” Based on qualitative research, including in-depth interviews with over 30 men in various corporate leadership and managerial roles, “Men-in-the-Middle” are men whose perspectives on gender equity are “far from the extremes of either outwardly, vocally championing women or treating women like sex objects in the office.” These men, Reed discovered, have “much to unpack about gender-related issues in the office” and “opinions and ideas for improvement.” However, they do not readily speak up.
Reed’s interest in researching and writing “Men-in-the-Middle” was prompted in part by the impacts of #MeToo, which led many women to feel safer to speak out and share their stories about harassment and gender inequity and, conversely, men to feel less safe and that their voices didn’t matter. One survey reports that men don’t speak out about these matters because of (1) apathy towards issues of gender equity, (2) fear of losing status or being criticized or judged, and (3) perceived or actual ignorance due to never having been part of an oppressed group. Men in her study reported greater uneasiness after #MeToo because of fear of saying anything that might offend others, “concern over things we did or said in the past,” fear of being misconstrued, heightened sensitivity to making jokes or offhand remarks, and fear of taking a chance to speak up unless invited.
Reed identifies “Men-in-the-Middle” as either “silent supporters” who have “eyes wide open to gender imbalance” but are uncomfortable talking about it, or “gender blinders” who don’t see gender inequity and rely on meritocracy to level the playing field, yet nonetheless have ideas for improving gender equity. These men are essential to conversations and actions to improve gender equity, especially since men hold 75% of C-suite positions, and, therefore, the power to effect change.
Reed wants to bring men into the conversation who have been reluctant in the past. She states, “[I]t is about inspiring conversations that fuel connections and ignite change for good; this requires a safe space for open, honest dialogue that leads to shared understanding and common ground.” Reed offers numerous suggestions and tools for accomplishing this, including:
Flipping the “spiral of silence” on gender-equity discussions to build momentum through conversation. Reed describes a paradox, heightened by #MeToo, in which women who are the minority in leadership hold the majority voice in speaking up and out on gender-related issues. While men have stories and ideas to share and endeavor to promote gender equity, their minority voice remains silent and “gets lost as the dominant narrative rises to the top.” If not appropriately encouraged to engage, they become “locked in the spiral of silence, promoting the belief that ‘gender is a women’s issue.'” This is concerning because those with the minority voice have the majority position and power within the C-suite. Reed encourages “flipping” this narrative by acknowledging men’s fear in speaking up and moving “toward the discomfort” of difficult conversations to “embrace the power of collaboration for an even better way to work.”
Challenging men to be gender equity disruptors. In “disruptive innovation theory,“ a less profitable, less resourced business focuses on an overlooked segment of its market at a lower price compared to industry leaders and “disrupts” and gradually changes the entire industry. Reed analogizes this to men who can “disrupt” and “join, and even lead the discussions and seek opportunities to make changes in [their] own networks to normalize the interactions and elevate the gender equity conversation as a growth driver.” “Disruptive” actions men can take include normalizing male-female workplace interactions; using a “safe word” whenever conversations veer toward sexist, dominating, or discriminatory language; talking with their sons and daughters about gender equity; mentoring young professionals; and being intentional about the diverse makeup of their teams.
Acknowledging the paradoxes and differing perspectives on gender equity. One paradox is the “male-gender perspective paradox,” in which, against a strong business case for gender equity, a male leader may withdraw support “[i]n a state of uncertainty about the impacts of equity on his own career or how he may come across in mixed company if he speaks out.” Another is the “sameness/difference paradox” which challenges us to recognize commonality while also acknowledging differences. “The difference in perspectives is okay,” Reed states, “the potential danger happens when we judge others for not doing it our way.” Engaging “Men-in-the-Middle” requires greater perspective-taking and psychological safety where all perspectives can be heard. Reed states, “[t]he idea is not to blame or shame men or women but to acknowledge there is more than one perspective. Sharing those perspectives can open a new conversation for change among all.”
Understanding what lurks in the “bummock.” A “bummock” is “a submerged mass of ice projecting downwards,” such as the mass of iceberg beneath the surface that sunk the Titanic. In change management theory, Reed notes, leaders tend to focus on the “tip of the iceberg” and less on serious issues out of their immediate awareness. The bummock in gender conversations includes “[i]mplicit bias, unspoken concerns, and confusion about men’s roles in promoting gender equity.” Reed discusses the “Man Box” culture which refers to a rigid set of expectations, perceptions, and behaviors considered to be “manly.” “Toxic masculinity” further perpetuates unhealthy notions that men should be physically “tough” and emotionally callous, reject anything considered to be feminine, and strive for power and status to gain respect. Such narrow views prevent men from engaging in gender-related conversations and from seeking mental health support. Reed encourages conversations that “acknowledge gender socialization, sex-role stereotypes, and work-life balance from the male perspective.”
Tackling gender inequity through change management. Beyond conversation, “Men-in-the-Middle” provides guidance for moving to action. Adopting the Prosci ADKAR change management model and applying each step in its acronym, the book:
- Aids “awareness” “about the role men have in moving this business case for gender equity forward to action.”
- Fosters “desire” to address gender equity through acknowledging men’s perspectives and working with them to overcome the “spiral of silence.”
- References authoritative sources that provide “knowledge” about gender equity, to which Reed adds a wealth of insight from voices of the men she interviewed to provoke further dialogue.
- Stresses the need for developing “ability” to address gender inequity, including skills for managing conflict and ambiguity. It also challenges us to “RUN to a new path on gender equity: reframe the issues as one of leadership, understand perspectives, and negotiate roles to find common goals.”
- Emphasizes the need to “reinforce” sustained change. This includes men leading by example “to influence others to behave in alignment with the transformative process.” The change model also requires a “from-to” vision for a “Gender Equity Mindset Shift,” such as making gender-equity a leadership rather than a women’s issue, shifting from toxic to positive masculinity, and becoming “disruptors” rather than default to the status quo.
“Men-in-the-Middle” is a solid resource for tackling gender equity through engaging those most in the position and power to effect change: men in leadership. Kori Reed provides a thoroughly researched, evidence-based roadmap for having the right conversations and for transforming these conversations into meaningful commitment and collaboration among women and men for change.
