Parenting is a profound journey, and fostering children adds another layer of love and complexity to it.
Appearing on Debina Bonnerjee’s podcast, actor Mahhi Vij reflected on her relationship with her foster children, Khushi and Rajveer, touching upon the unique dynamics of fostering. She has shared how the bond they share transcends biological ties, rooted instead in care and understanding. When asked whether they know that Mahhi is not their biological mother, she replied, “Yes, they know. They are pretty big now. Khushi is going to be 10 and Rajveer is 8-and-a-half. So, now they know. They know that she’s my mother and he’s my father. They’ve been calling us mumma and dada since childhood.”
She added, “They know that ‘they (Mahhi and her husband Jay Bhanushali) are doing things for us’. Par woh kya ho gaya hai na ki woh affection jo bachpan ka attachment hai, woh unko bhi ho gaya hai. It’s a relationship jisme I don’t think there’s a name for it.”
Her approach emphasises giving without expecting in return — a perspective that highlights the emotional depth of fostering relationships. “And in return I’m not expecting ki when Khushi will grow up or Rajveer will grow up woh kaam karke they will do something for us. I keep explaining this to their mother also that it’s for you, your financial status will be better. I’ll just be happy that they’re not doing the same work as their (biological) father.”
Fostering brings its own set of joys and challenges, especially when balancing the attachment children form with their foster parents and their connection with their biological family.
Helping foster children build emotional connections with foster parents while staying connected to their biological families
Gurleen Baruah, existential psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, tells indianexpress.com, “Foster parents can build a strong emotional bond with children while ensuring they stay connected to their biological families by having age-appropriate, honest conversations. Children need to understand their circumstances in a way that doesn’t make them feel abandoned or rejected. Instead of saying their parents ‘gave them up,’ it helps to explain that sometimes, due to financial struggles or personal challenges, biological parents may not be able to provide the stability they want for their children. This framing removes guilt and reassures the child that they are loved, not unwanted. At the same time, allowing them to express their emotions—whether it’s love for both families, confusion, or sadness—without judgment helps them process their feelings in a healthy way.”
Creating emotional security is key, Baruah adds. Many foster children struggle with attachment due to past instability, so consistency in small actions — attending school events, comforting them in distress, or simply being present—helps them develop trust. “Bonds can’t be forced; they need time to grow. Children should also feel that they don’t have to erase one part of their identity to belong somewhere new. If safe, maintaining some connection with their biological family, through visits, letters, or respectful conversations, allows them to integrate both relationships. The goal isn’t to replace their past but to give them a stable, loving present. And as Mahhi Vij said, fostering is about giving love without expectation. When children feel truly accepted for who they are, not for what they might give in return, that’s when a home becomes a home,” she mentions.
