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How do you manage working while experiencing hard times in life?
In this podcast episode, the HigherEdJobs editorial team talked with hosts Andy Hibel and Kelly Cherwin about managing an illness, supporting a family member, and caring for children while working, among other topics.
The inspiration for this discussion stems from “How to be Emotionally Present at Work When You Have Real Stuff Going on at Home” by HigherEdJobs contributor Eileen Hoenigman Meyer.
As Meyer wrote, managing these situations or even weathering a crisis is an emotional and logistical undertaking. Her tips include to:
- Lean into your routine.
- Get clarity around what you need.
- Identify your support system.
- Create your narrative.
- Protect yourself.
Leah Jackson, assistant director of editorial strategy and writer, recently returned to work following maternity leave. With a newborn and a toddler at home, she and her husband have experienced numerous changes in their schedules. Coming back to work was a welcome change, she said.
“Leaning into your routine is a great tip for anyone who might be struggling with something on the personal front,” said Jackson.
Protect Yourself
It’s okay if you can’t “do everything,” Jackson said. “There is something to be said for leaning into your flexibility if you’re able” to do that.
Her newborn hasn’t been sleeping well at her sitter’s house. On a recent day, the baby fell asleep while Jackson was feeding her.
“And instead of pushing myself and being a slave to my routine, I leaned into my flexibility that I’m fortunate to have with work, and I let her sleep on me,” she said.
Jackson worked on her phone for an hour.
“While we may not all have that flexibility available to us, not feeling guilty about it, using it if you do have it, is another really great tip,” she said.
Cherwin, director of editorial strategy, said sometimes we feel like we must “do it all.”
“Personally, it is hard for me because I feel like I have to be the perfect mother,” she said. “I have to be the perfect employee; I have to be the perfect everything. And it can just be exhausting. So, leaning into being a little bit more open to not being perfect is a great thing to do.”
Monika Sziron, assistant director of editorial strategy, research, and coordination at HigherEdJobs and HigherEdMilitary, said that she could most relate to the “protect yourself” theme.
She said that she naturally separates work and home life, so it may be harder for coworkers or her boss to know what’s going on in her world.
Her husband is currently on two hiring committees for his institution, and she recently had a bad sinus infection. While he was in the middle of interviews with candidates, Sziron said she was texting him to say, “I’m sick and I don’t feel good.”
As a job seeker, this could be an eye-opening moment to realize that the person interviewing you has stuff going on in their life. In this scenario, his wife is not feeling well, and the baby is upset.
Keeping those things in mind is another essential element in being emotionally present.
Get Clarity Around What You Need
Hibel said that expectations — internal or external — can be the biggest enemy of anything you do. Have a conversation with yourself about what you can do and what is not sustainable.
Clarify what you want from your supervisor, so that they can better address your needs and help you, Hibel said. You might be pleasantly surprised that a good supervisor will love that.
“You’ve just made their job so much easier and created a sense of expectations, ones that everybody agrees to and that are shared goals,” he said. “That’s a pathway to success.”
Mary Guiden, associate director of editorial strategy for special projects, is currently a caregiver for her father, who recently turned 90 and is experiencing dementia.
She joined the HigherEdJobs team in March and works out of the Oak Park offices one day a week. At first, she thought her father could watch her dog, Sam, when she was away.
Guiden said she’d talked with her dad about how you can tell when a dog needs to go “potty,” things like the dog sitting by a door or even scratching at it.
When she got home one day after being in Oak Park, her dad said Sam was sitting by the front door and then he went to the back door. He wasn’t sure what to do or what the animal needed.
Guiden quickly identified several dog sitters, so Sam goes to daycare on Thursdays. It’s been an adjustment for her father.
“Initially he was asking me, ‘Well, why can’t he stay with me?'” she said. Guiden emphasized all the attention Sam gets from his sitter, Rachel, and her daughter, Kennedy.
“Sam loves it, too, getting attention from a couple of kids,” she said. “I’m sure he’s bored when I’m home working. And so, he looks forward to Thursdays, too.”
Have a question for HEJ to explore on the podcast? Email us at podcast@higheredjobs.com.
Listen to the entire episode for more from the Editorial Team and hosts Andy Hibel and Kelly Cherwin.
