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Have you ever had to address an issue with an employee and found yourself dreading the conversation? Maybe you thought that if you just let the issue go long enough, it would resolve itself?
If we were betting people, we would wager that if you put off addressing an issue, the resolution was not what you had hoped. It can be tempting to avoid having difficult conversations and to overlook what seems like a small issue in the overall scheme of things, but when leaders choose to work through these types of challenging conversations, there are several benefits, including:
- creating an opportunity for clarity for the direct report.
- enhancing the culture.
- providing accountability measures that benefit the institution.
In fact, some people may say tackling these issues head-on is a form of kind leadership — even though it may not feel that way in the moment. Trying to ‘keep the peace’ and delay a conversation will not benefit the person or organization long term. Think of it this way: gentle parenting at a restaurant when a child is screaming at the table and throwing food is getting that child nowhere fast. Neither is being “nice” all the time and letting things slide in the workplace. Leading an area means that you have an incredible opportunity to make an impact by providing employees with a chance to enhance their skillset, assist them in the goal-setting process for their career aspirations, and help them to become the best version of themselves professionally.
So, while the conversation may not be pleasant, there are strategies to consider to ensure you are making the conversation as productive as possible for both parties. This could look different, depending on your own personal style.
For example, the two of us operate very differently. One of us likes to “sleep on it” and process the situation before we have a difficult conversation with an employee. This personal preference allows an opportunity to go into the discussions refreshed and in a headspace that is more at equilibrium. The other prefers to address things immediately in the moment or soon after the situation has occurred. This allows everyone’s memory to be fresh and/or the issue to be resolved quickly to avoid continued mistakes. Both approaches are more than acceptable, and it is important to stay true to yourself as a leader.
When you consider your unique style, you should also think about how timing, preparedness, and location can impact the conversations.
Timing
Recognizing that not every situation allows you to “sleep on it” or address it immediately, it is important to find the right time to meet. If waiting overnight is not possible, consider whether it can wait until the end of the day. If immediate action is not feasible, address it as soon as a natural opportunity arises, such as when the employee arrives. Balance taking action with your personal style and the institution’s best interests in mind.
Preparedness
Be as prepared as possible within the limitations of the circumstances. Regardless of whether you are the supervisor who addresses things right away or the one who sleeps on it, you want to ensure a productive conversation. Therefore, preparedness may look different according to your style and timing. For one person, it may be an opportunity to simply gather information and ask questions off the cuff, while the other person may need to gather all of the relevant materials and prepare questions ahead of time. Both styles work; it is about understanding what approach works best for your personality.
Depending on the timing, context of the meeting, or any union-related requirements, you may also want to consider providing details of the meeting with your direct report rather than simply the subject. This ensures an opportunity for the direct report to properly prepare for the meeting, and the potential to have a more productive conversation. Some of you may be thinking, “I always tell someone what a meeting is about when I send an invite.” To that, we say that you would be surprised how many leaders just send calendar invites with no information. As you can imagine, this can cause stress for an employee, no matter what the topic. That is why sharing even a bit of general information about the meeting is important.
Location
Think about an appropriate location for the meeting (i.e., your office, their office, neutral office, alternate space). You will also want to think about whether this is a closed-door conversation, as well as whether you would like a notetaker or someone simply to sit in to observe. The topic of the conversation, personal dynamics, your personal style, and institutional culture may determine the meeting coordination.
For example, if it is an extremely sensitive conversation, you may want to consider having an observer to serve as a witness. Depending on collective bargaining units, you may need to ensure you offer union representation for your direct report. Unless you are a fully remote institution, virtual spaces such as Zoom or Teams should be avoided. It is also important to note that these types of conversations should be avoided in group settings to avoid singling someone out, causing embarrassment or resentment between a supervisor and direct report. We build our culture, even toxic ones, ourselves brick by brick.
As you are preparing for these types of conversations, you will want to remember to:
- Be clear and direct to avoid any confusion.
- Actively listen and create an opportunity for the employee to be heard.
- Stay true to yourself.
- Focus on addressing the issue or concern.
- Set the tone. Be calm, respectful, and solution-oriented.
- Collaborate on potential next steps to resolve the issue or concern.
As you prepare for direct conversations, remember that authenticity is your greatest asset as a leader. The way you approach these discussions — from your tone to your body language and your choice of words — will be more positively received when employees sense that you are being honest and transparent, even if they do not fully agree with your perspective.
Being a leader is not about being liked; it is about staying true to your responsibilities. Building credibility and maintaining social capital will serve you well when navigating challenging moments. Strong professional relationships lay the foundation for these conversations. While direct or difficult discussions are never easy, they are essential. They help employees understand where they stand, how they can grow, and whether they are aligned with the institution’s mission, values, and goals.
The more you engage in these conversations, the more confident and skilled you will become at having them. Over time, you will develop your own authentic style and that will be reflected in your leadership.
